Who Am I

   Identity is something I have struggled with most of my life. Comparing myself to others and putting myself down for not measuring up to what I thought I should be. I have often labeled myself based on my circumstances. Brandi the failure, the fatty, the abused, the weak, the whore, the bad mother. I let these feelings creep into my life when im feeling like im not good enough. The devil whispers these things in our ear to take us back to that dark place where self-doubt lives. It makes us feel like we are not good enough. That we will never change.
    I like in the book where Renee writes God ask; who told you that something is wrong with you? This is the question I hear God ask me all the time. The enemy is telling us these things and making it sound like us. God loves us and all our mess. We are not defined by our circumstances, choices, or past. We are defined by God who loves us inspite of all our circumstances. God sees us as Brandi the forgiven, the accepted, the made new, the loved, and the victorious.  Colossians 3:15 says let the peace of God rule our hearts. There is hope and peace in listening to God and letting Him rule our hearts. We have to let God control our life, our heart, and our head.

A Heart Surrendered to Christ

  Trust.  What a small word with such a huge meaning. It is a word that is mentioned 134 times in the bible yet it is one of the hardest to follow. The bible talks about putting our trust in God and He will help us. It tells us God's unfailing love surrounds the man who trusts in him. Our hearts rejoice because we trust in his holy name. Trust and delight in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. The final one ill mention and the most popular trust in the Lord with all your heart and don't try to do things on your own. This is the one that applies most to my life because while I try to trust the Lord, I always want to do things on my own.

   I have spent a lot of my thirty-seven years trying to fill myself with stuff, whether actual physical stuff or attention from others. As a matter of fact God is still teaching me this lesson today. You would think after so many years I would have it figured out but the truth is I am still learning everyday.

   I grew up with a distant father who loved in his own way but sometimes it was lacking attention. So naturally I would seek out attention from other males and desperately wanted to be loved and shown attention. I had a mom who tried to overcompensate with stuff taking us shopping or eating out every weekend. Needless to say this started two very bad habits that still haunt me today. I have been known to spend bill money because I thought I needed stuff all the time. I also almost lost the best man God could have ever given me because I needed extra male attention. One night I just hit the wall, I couldn't do it anymore, nothing I did ever changed how I felt inside. That is when I heard God speak to me and tell me its all about trust. He said "Brandi you don't trust me" and that is when I realized I was trying to fix everything on my own and I was failing miserably.

   God has opened my eyes over the past few years about who I am and what I need. I have learned to love myself and be confident in the things I do. I am still learning I don't need new stuff to make me happy. I have the best husband in the world and his love is enough for me now and forever. I'm still a work in progress and everyday I learn something new about myself and I am so thankful that God doesn't give up on me.

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This is a test blog that I am writing.